Police reveal how Bush can't wave and pedal at same time
By Arifa Akbar
Published: Independent Newspaper 27 February 2006

Extract from the police report:
"At about 1800 hours the President approached the junction at speed on the bicycle. The road was damp at the time. As the President passed the junction at speed he raised his left arm from the handlebars to wave to the police officers present while shouting 'thanks, you guys, for coming'.
"As he did this he lost control of the cycle, falling to the ground, causing both himself and his bicycle to strike [the officer] on the lower legs. [The officer] fell to the ground, striking his head."
The report goes on to divulge how the President skidded five metres along the road, after knocking down the constable, who was off duty for 14 weeks after the accident.
It reads: "The President continued along the ground for approximately five metres, causing himself a number of abrasions. The officers ... then assisted both injured parties." The injured officer received a phone call of apology from President Bush while he was on his way to Perth Royal Infirmary, where he was treated for damage to his ankle ligaments and issued with a pair of crutches. The cause was officially recorded as: "Hit by moving/falling object."

The 'can't wave & pedal' line is a variation of what Lyndon B Johnson said about another US President., Gerald Ford.

"Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.”

Unfortunately the media changed the fart to walk to save the delicate US public from exposure to such a crude word, yes the same delicate flowers that nearly had a mass coronary after being exposed to one of Janet Jackson's nipples.
And you wondered why they voted for the cycling clown twice.

From the BBC:


US court backs hallucinogenic tea

A small US congregation can use hallucinogenic tea as part of its rituals to connect with God, the Supreme Court has ruled.
The unanimous decision is court's first religious freedom case since Chief Justice John Roberts was appointed.
The hoasca tea is considered sacred to members of the group, O Centro Espirita Beneficiente Uniao do Vegetal.
In its ruling, the court said the government must allow the use of the tea under religious freedom laws.
Mr Roberts wrote that federal drug agents should have been barred from confiscating the tea.
However, the justices sent the case back to a federal appeals court, which could consider more evidence.
Controlled substance
The administration of President George W Bush had argued that the tea was illegal and potentially dangerous.
Members of the group believe they can understand God only by drinking the tea, which is consumed twice a month at four-hour ceremonies.
The brewed tea, made from two plants that grow in the Amazon, contains dimethyltryptamine, or DMT, a controlled substance banned under federal drug laws.
About 130 members of a Brazil-based church were involved in long-running dispute with federal agents, who seized their tea in 1999.

Finally, a religion I could go with.

From the Sunday Times:

“Every day I have a coffee enema. I really love them. I might even be a bit addicted, because they provide this wonderful capsule of time to read or just get some space. I use organic coffee – Fair Trade of course. You can buy a special enema blend which isn’t drinkable, but I usually use Guatemalan, which is. ” GINNY FRASER ‘A Life in The Day’.

Not a lot you can add to that.

"It was still a shock when George died. It was the last thing I thought he’d do. "
ALEX BEST (Ex wife)


And she was right.

Anyone who remembers a Jasper Carrot routine in the 70's in which he read out insurance claims, will appreciate the following:

Road risks: falling frozen squirrels, colliding zebra and flying kebabs
Rupert JonesTuesday February 7, 2006The Guardian

A walk on the wild side is one thing, but now motorists are discovering it's a jungle out there. Frozen squirrels, amorous cows and rowdy zebra are among the hazards drivers face on Britain's roads, according to the UK's biggest insurer, Norwich Union, which yesterday revealed that freak incidents involving animals top the list of bizarre motor claims.

The company has compiled a list of the "ten weirdest claims" it received last year, and at the top of the list was: "A frozen squirrel fell out of a tree and crashed through the windscreen on to the passenger seat."
In second place was: "The car was parked, when a reindeer fell on the bonnet." The others were:
"As I was driving round a bend, one of the doors opened and a frozen kebab flew out, hitting and damaging a passing car."
"A herd of cows licked my car and caused damage to the paintwork."
"A zebra collided with my car when I was at a safari park."
"While I was waiting at traffic lights, a wasp went down my trouser leg, which made me hit the accelerator and prang the car in front."
"I couldn't brake because a potato was lodged behind the brake."
"My parked car was hit by a bull which had escaped from an agricultural show."
"A cow jumped on my quad bike."
"As I came over a hill, I hit a cow in the middle of the road, which then hit the bonnet and shattered the windscreen with its rear end" (the cow survived).

Many moons ago, I nearly had a car accident; I jumped into my car after forgetting to do up the laces of my trainers. Unknown to me they were caught in the door, I only discovered this when I tried to move my foot to brake, luckily I looked down, saw what had happened, so I opened the door, freed my foot and broke. I would have hated to send in an insurance claim with that on it.