From the BBC.

Bike sex man placed on probation

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.
Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.
Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.
Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.
The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.
He now lives in Ayr.

This certainly gives a new meaning to the phrase. 'On yer bike.'

A few points to consider:

He was perfrorming the act in the privacy of his own room and anyone who has ever stayed in a hotel knows that cleaning staff often enter your room after the quietest knock, particularly if the 'Do not disturb' sign is on the door handle.

Was the bicycle consenting? and was it a man or a lady's bike, ie where was the crossbar?

He should have said. 'He was just recycling.'

This reminds me of a story I read many years ago; a man was accursed of rape and he denied the charge, his defence being that that the woman was known as the Cropley bicycle.
I can't remember if he was acquitted or not but I suspect, if that was his only defence, not but you never know because with Britain's rape laws it's almost impossible to get a conviction.
They're almost as bad as the Islamic decrees known collectively as the Hudood ordinances.
The laws, include a clause stating that to prove rape, a woman must have at least four male witnesses. If the woman fails to provide proof, she herself faces the charge of adultery.

It's things like that, that make you realise that a man screwing a bicycle in an Ayr hotel room isn't that mad.

Jehovah's Witness mother dies after refusing blood transfusion
Fred Attewill
Monday November 5, 2007
Guardian Unlimited

A 22-year-old mother died just hours after giving birth to twins because doctors were forbidden from giving her a blood transfusion as a Jehovah's Witness.
Emma Gough's family, including her Jehovah's Witness husband, Anthony, 24, refused to overrule her wishes and she died after losing blood.
Mr Gough was reported to be looking after the couple's twin boy and girl at his home in Telford, Shropshire, following the tragedy at the Royal Hospital in Shrewsbury on October 25.
Jehovah's Witnesses believe the bible explicitly bans its followers from receiving blood, even in an emergency.
Peter Welsh, the couple's best man when they married two years ago, told the Sun: "Everybody is devastated by what has happened.
"We can't believe she died in childbirth in this day and age, with all the technology there is. What makes it even more sad is Emma had time to hold and start to bond with her twins before complications set in."
He added: "Anthony is in pieces."
Terry Lovejoy, a spokesman for Jehovah's Witnesses in Telford, said today that the local religious community had offered support to the bereaved family.
He said: "We are supporting the family - they are going through a very difficult time and we understand their grief."
The hospital had refused to discuss the case and it is not yet known why Mrs Gough died.
An inquest into the death has been opened and adjourned, according to the coroner's department in Shrewsbury.


Peter Welsh, the couple's best man when they married two years ago, told the Sun: "Everybody is devastated by what has happened. "We can't believe she died in childbirth in this day and age, with all the technology there is. What makes it even more sad is Emma had time to hold and start to bond with her twins before complications set in." He added: "Anthony is in pieces."


I'll tell you what I can't believe.
I can't believe that in this day and age there are still people who believe in fairy stories and allow their lives to be ruled by superstitious mumbo jumbo.