From the BBC.

Bike sex man placed on probation

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.
Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.
Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.
Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.
The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.
He now lives in Ayr.

This certainly gives a new meaning to the phrase. 'On yer bike.'

A few points to consider:

He was perfrorming the act in the privacy of his own room and anyone who has ever stayed in a hotel knows that cleaning staff often enter your room after the quietest knock, particularly if the 'Do not disturb' sign is on the door handle.

Was the bicycle consenting? and was it a man or a lady's bike, ie where was the crossbar?

He should have said. 'He was just recycling.'

This reminds me of a story I read many years ago; a man was accursed of rape and he denied the charge, his defence being that that the woman was known as the Cropley bicycle.
I can't remember if he was acquitted or not but I suspect, if that was his only defence, not but you never know because with Britain's rape laws it's almost impossible to get a conviction.
They're almost as bad as the Islamic decrees known collectively as the Hudood ordinances.
The laws, include a clause stating that to prove rape, a woman must have at least four male witnesses. If the woman fails to provide proof, she herself faces the charge of adultery.

It's things like that, that make you realise that a man screwing a bicycle in an Ayr hotel room isn't that mad.

Jehovah's Witness mother dies after refusing blood transfusion
Fred Attewill
Monday November 5, 2007
Guardian Unlimited

A 22-year-old mother died just hours after giving birth to twins because doctors were forbidden from giving her a blood transfusion as a Jehovah's Witness.
Emma Gough's family, including her Jehovah's Witness husband, Anthony, 24, refused to overrule her wishes and she died after losing blood.
Mr Gough was reported to be looking after the couple's twin boy and girl at his home in Telford, Shropshire, following the tragedy at the Royal Hospital in Shrewsbury on October 25.
Jehovah's Witnesses believe the bible explicitly bans its followers from receiving blood, even in an emergency.
Peter Welsh, the couple's best man when they married two years ago, told the Sun: "Everybody is devastated by what has happened.
"We can't believe she died in childbirth in this day and age, with all the technology there is. What makes it even more sad is Emma had time to hold and start to bond with her twins before complications set in."
He added: "Anthony is in pieces."
Terry Lovejoy, a spokesman for Jehovah's Witnesses in Telford, said today that the local religious community had offered support to the bereaved family.
He said: "We are supporting the family - they are going through a very difficult time and we understand their grief."
The hospital had refused to discuss the case and it is not yet known why Mrs Gough died.
An inquest into the death has been opened and adjourned, according to the coroner's department in Shrewsbury.


Peter Welsh, the couple's best man when they married two years ago, told the Sun: "Everybody is devastated by what has happened. "We can't believe she died in childbirth in this day and age, with all the technology there is. What makes it even more sad is Emma had time to hold and start to bond with her twins before complications set in." He added: "Anthony is in pieces."


I'll tell you what I can't believe.
I can't believe that in this day and age there are still people who believe in fairy stories and allow their lives to be ruled by superstitious mumbo jumbo.

Traditional Dandy comic ditched.

From the BBC:

The world's longest running comic, The Dandy, has ceased to exist in its traditional format.
The weekly title has been changed to a fortnightly magazine called Dandy Xtreme.

'Too busy'

Dandy editor Craig Graham said: "Following extensive research, we discovered The Dandy readers were struggling to schedule a weekly comic into their hectic lives. They just didn't have enough time.
"They're too busy gaming, surfing the net or watching TV, movies and DVDs." Mr Graham added: "They still enjoyed The Dandy, but if they were going to buy it themselves they expected more than just 'a comic my dad used to read'.
"They required a guide, packed with the stuff kids need to know to stay in the loop - a lifestyle magazine attuned to their hectic lives, featuring all the latest trends, must-haves, must-sees and must-dos.


I’ve read some marketing bullshit in my time but ‘The Dandy readers were struggling to schedule a weekly comic into their hectic lives’ has to take the prize.
The readers they are talking about are mostly pre teenage boys; they do not need a ‘lifestyle magazine attuned to their hectic lives’
So please, as Bill Hicks used to say. ‘If you’re in marketing, kill yourself.’

Woman jailed for testicle attack.

From the BBC

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.
She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."
She said: "It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person."

Mr Jones must be thinking how lucky he is that Miss Monti is ‘in no way a violent person’. I shudder to think what might have happened if she was violent. But it does go to show, that even in this age of spin, some bollocks is hard to swallow.

Morelli's ice cream founder dies

Angelo Morelli, founder of the famous Morelli ice cream brand in Portstewart, Northern Ireland, has died. He was 99.



You probably have to be British to think this funny.

From The Guardian.

Mystery of Briton's death in Lourdes
By John Lichfield and Jen Wright in Paris
Published: 26 January 2007
A British woman, aged 45, lay dead for five months in her French home while her elderly mother concealed the death from her 12-year-old daughter, it emerged yesterday.

The deeply religious family had moved to Lourdes in the south of France five years ago, hoping that the younger woman, Marian Therese, would be cured of cancer. When she died in September, her mother, 78, described as a "mystic", hid the fact from the granddaughter. She took her to school every day and told her that mummy was too "tired" to see her.

A teacher became suspicious when the girl stopped mentioning her family. She alerted police who went to the house and found the body.

The girl's father, estranged from the mother for several years, is believed to have flown to France yesterday to bring his daughter back. French authorities plan to bring no legal action against the grandmother. They said she was a deeply religious woman, who "refused conventional medical treatment, took refuge in prayer and awaited the resurrection of Christ". She was said to have been deeply relieved when police came to the house and showed them the body of her daughter.

Lourdes is one of the most visited Catholic shrines in the world. A local peasant girl, Bernadette Soubirous, reported 18 visions of the Virgin Mary in or near the Pyrenean town in 1858. Since then, hundreds of people have claimed miraculous cures after visiting Lourdes.

Neighbours said the British family was quiet and friendly. One said: "The old lady should be pitied more than anything. She must have thought she was doing the right thing."

Pat Robertson Predicts 'Mass Killing'

Wednesday January 3, 2007 9:01 AM


AP Photo NYOL981

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. (AP) - In what has become an annual tradition of prognostications, religious broadcaster Pat Robertson said Tuesday God has told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would result in ``mass killing'' late in 2007.

``I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear,'' he said during his news-and-talk television show ``The 700 Club'' on the Christian Broadcasting Network. ``The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that.''

Robertson said God told him during a recent prayer retreat that major cities and possibly millions of people will be affected by the attack, which should take place sometime after September.

Robertson said God also told him that the U.S. only feigns friendship with Israel and that U.S. policies are pushing Israel toward ``national suicide.''

Robertson suggested in January 2006 that God punished then-Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon with a stroke for ceding Israeli-controlled land to the Palestinians.

The broadcaster predicted in January 2004 that President Bush would easily win re-election. Bush won 51 percent of the vote that fall, beating Democratic Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts.

In 2005, Robertson predicted that Bush would have victory after victory in his second term. He said Social Security reform proposals would be approved and Bush would nominate conservative judges to federal courts.

Lawmakers confirmed Bush's 2005 nominations of John Roberts and Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. But the president's Social Security initiative was stalled.

``I have a relatively good track record,'' he said. ``Sometimes I miss.''

In May, Robertson said God told him that storms and possibly a tsunami were to crash into America's coastline in 2006. Even though the U.S. was not hit with a tsunami, Robertson on Tuesday cited last spring's heavy rains and flooding in New England as partly fulfilling the prediction.


With reference to the quote:

``I have a relatively good track record,'' he said. ``Sometimes I miss.''

Repeatedly in the article Robertson says God told him, so when Robertson says:

``Sometimes I miss.''

He is saying sometimes God misses.

As God is depicted by Robertson as the supreme, all knowing being, how is this possible?

Maybe, Robertson is lying when he says he talks to God or possibly he is just a mad self deluding fuck head.